I have two friends, both of whom are parents to adult children. Both are high net worth individuals, and each one has strikingly different relationships with their kids.

One friend is originally from Caucasus region. Very successful, very busy, often too busy it seems to find the time to have private time with his son. The only time they find it seems to be over family dinners. That is, when dad was home for them.

If they needed to ensure a time to chat or discuss family “business,” dad would call a meeting. Literally. The father soon discovered a “meeting” didn’t bring warm conversation – talking, sharing or bonding. Neither knew much of the other’s personal life or their likes. Nothing about school, weekend plans, or extra curriculars. It left a void, an emptiness and lack of connection for the family.

It wasn’t neglect; theirs was a loving family. Simply put, their focus was in the wrong place. It felt…Transactional. It was the example they set and the model the son soon seemed to follow with his own life. The risk is that offspring become disinterested, and the elders grow old alone.

My other friend’s child was raised amid wealth, but was taught early on to be self-sufficient. And she is. Her job has her on the road around their city, leaving little time to bond.

So, the father often accompanies her on her rounds as her driver, for no other reason than to bond and enjoy good conversation. During these moments, they have chats they otherwise would never have. It’s three hours of quality shared “windshield” time.

We are all busy. Some are too busy to make time for family. They squeeze in what they think is “quality” time. So it becomes forced, unnatural, even awkward. Building bonds is missed. Deeper relationships go unmade. Lost are the opportunities to enable their child – whether minor or adult – to become mature, self-aware and self-assured.

Quality time isn’t a meeting. “We have to talk” takes on a different tone. If the parent and adult child are in a family business or shared enterprise, meetings are appropriate. Yet, any attempt at bonding that starts as a calendar item will be viewed as empty or lacking. What remains are holes in their soul and space in their heart.

Fans of the TV drama “Blue Bloods” with Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg know almost every episode includes scenes of four generations of the Reagan family sitting down to a family dinner. The “family business” – law enforcement – is seamlessly interwoven, with accompanying drama, with family affairs. But there they are, bonding – seamlessly, effortlessly, naturally.

The Reagans are written as Irish Catholic, but many religions and cultures embrace family unity. Jews have Shabbat dinner. At a conference recently, I was talking with a man of Middle Eastern descent. I knew from my own heritage and upbringing that the culture expects multiple generations of family to gather for meals. Children, parents, grandparents – yesterday bonding with tomorrow.

If your life has a hole where stronger family bonds should be, it’s never too late to act. Start by making the time and being present. It can’t happen without your effort, involvement and commitment.

Pick up the phone, make the call, invite the family to that Sunday dinner, that shabbat dinner, or that simple meal with generations gathered. Sometimes there will be laughter, but others there may be tears or raised voices. This is part of having a relationship. It can’t always be smooth sailing.

It might seem awkward at first; this is the reality you or circumstances created. The remedy is deliberate action.

I call – or receive a call from – our kids every day, often more than once. The call is made just to hear the other’s voice, or to share news, or to seek advice or counsel. It’s unforced, natural, built on our respective lifetimes of bonding that preceded them, me, even my parents. It’s cultural, and we’re modelling what we were taught – that families share special relationships, if they’re nurtured from a young age.

If you’re trying to take that first step with your own children – of any age – but are stuck, let’s talk. I don’t have all the answers, but I can help guide you in the right direction to build deeper relationships with your children, your parents or those important to you. Let’s replace transactions with engagement and forge rich bonds for the future.