I recently wrote an article on talking with your children about family wealth, particularly when to have such conversations. I proposed and believe that many wealthy kids, even those of upper middle income families, don’t understand that they are “wealthy.” As I wrote: “When you grow up breathing ‘rarefied air,’ living in the milieu of homes with teams of hired help, expensive cars, global vacations, and the lifestyles of the rich, if not the famous, you don’t know any difference between ‘us’ and ‘them.’”

The article struck a positive note with hundreds of readers. So, if we agree that it’s a conversation that must be had, the question then is “when” and “what” the discussion should be about.

To be sure, children should learn as young as reasonably possible about their family’s status. That doesn’t mean the size of wealth. Not that “we are wealthy” and others aren’t. It’s more about the privilege and responsibility that comes with wealth. The conversation should centre on the generational responsibilities that come with such privilege.

Some children have a hard time rising above the allure of being “wealthy.” Can you blame them? Celebrities, athletes, even their peers enjoy life’s finer things – big homes, expensive cars, luxury vacations. It’s easy – and understandable – to get sucked in.

What they need to learn is the importance of stewardship, their place in the lineage that brought them to this place and, most importantly, the road ahead. It’s a wholly different conversation.

We wrote about building the family legacy through charitable giving. Children need to visualise the good they can do by putting their money toward good causes. They need to be indoctrinated in the practice of philanthropy, how generational giving can help build family bonds around shared values and a commitment to helping others.

Examples can help. Billionaires are signing the “giving pledge” to donate their wealth to charity – and many are including their children in the process.  Closer to home, Toby and Leon Cooperman, who came from meagre beginnings, created the Medical Arts Pavilion at Boca Raton Regional Hospital, a facility that also is home to the Marcus Neuroscience Institute (named for Home Depot founder Bernie Marcus) and the Eugene M. and Christine E. Lynn Cancer Institute. Each has donated millions, whilst still serving as stewards for their own next generation.

For the elders, whether parents of minor children or patriarchs or matriarchs with grown children with extended families, it may require a new way of thinking. When you think of offspring as “heirs” whilst drafting your trust or will, you have created a separation between yourself tying your wealth from your money’s greater purpose. Heirs feel they have no responsibility other than to benefit from their eventual inheritance, whether prudently and thoughtfully – or frivolously.

When I look at my children, I see them as family members who share the Dwek’s family legacy. We know this, they know this. I – we – act differently because of it. Our attitudes are united, our vision and purpose aligned. We look at life similarly, with fewer conflicts about our places in our shared and individual worlds.

In a word, they see their roles as “stewards” of the family’s wealth. We share an ethos of wealth preservation in order for it to be passed down to future generations – even beyond theirs.

If you’re nervous about talking to your kids about money, inheritance and the family’s legacy, know you’re not alone. The timing and depth of such conversations can be unnerving. Don’t focus on “our wealth.” Get them to forget the allure of rich and famous lifestyles. Instead, plant the seeds around responsibility. They should come to embrace the idea that they are the stewards of the wealth. The inheritance isn’t theirs; it’s theirs to manage – to protect, preserve and pass on to future generations.

Done well – and this part transcends any discussion of wealth and gets to the core of family values and personal character – they will be selfless in their eventual oversight of any inheritance or any family trust that they’ve been named to oversee if/when the elders no longer can.

It’s been said – and popularised in the movie Spiderman – that “with great power comes great responsibility.” Whether preserving wealth for future family, or being a generous member of the community, your kids should learn that their power to meaningfully impact others is great.

If you haven’t yet had the conversation, it isn’t hard to change this mindset. Inheritance often comes with a backstory of immediate riches. Stewardship is not about being rich, it’s about serving tomorrow’s greater good.

If you’re ready to have that conversation with your family, but don’t know where to start, let’s talk. I’ve worked with numerous high-net-worth families around the world helping them plan – with their kids – how to preserve wealth whilst planning for a better tomorrow.